Ma wife says Ah'm too serious.
"Whit do you mean, woman? Too serious?"
"Ah don't know, Ben, jist too serious."
"World's a serious place, hen."
"Don't Ah know that, but do you have tae be so serious?"
"Listen, woman, Ah'm ower forty now. Ah think it's time Ah got a wee bit serious now an' again."
"Yeah, well jist don't come mopin' t' me aboot the meanin' o' life. Ah'm too busy gettin' oan wi' mine t' worry aboot it."
She had a point. Ah gave her that but Ah don't think we were keepin' score that night.

Have you had a good look at the weans these days? Ah don't know. Maybe it's jist me. Ah found masel' ootside the big school yesterday or the day before an' they were all jist standin' there, in clumps or oan their ain like wee zoambies but they weren't playin'. Not wan o' them. There wis nae skippin' ropes or hopscotch or nuthin'. Ah asked oor Lynne aboot it.
"But we don't play games anymore."
"Since when?"
"Since Ah don't know."
"Nae skippin' or that thing the lassies used tae dae wi' them rubber bands?"
"Naw. Ah'd get a right slaggin' if Ah turned up wi' a skippin' rope."
"So whit d' you dae, jist stand around?"
"Aye, maistly."

Y'know Ah cun remember everythin' Ah did growin' up. It wisnae all magic an' Boy's Own crap either. Some o' it wis mind. We used tae go doon tae the rifle range scroungin' fer owd bullets an' cartridges an' there wis the frog pond too wi' all them millions o' wee black things — whitdyacallums? Ah'll never forget the day we punced Teece in an' he shopped us tae his Mammy. Aye an' Ah remember the leatherins Ah got aff ma Da. An' ma Ma too come t' think o' it if she could catch me.
"That'll keep you goin' tae yer faither comes hame."
Ah'd get the jail if Ah laid a finger oan any o' ma lot now. Did oor Iain no threaten me wi' the European Court o' Human Rights ower a pile o' dirty dishes? Whit's the world comin' tae?
Ma Granny Betty said it wis comin' t' an end. She wis ancient Ah remember. Ah asked her wan day an' she said she were a hunder an' fufty. She used tae tell me how she survived the sinkin' o' the Titanic but wished she'd gone doon wi' it.
"The world's an evil place, Ben, an evil place."
"Aye, Gran."
"Sinners! Fornicators all!" she'd bellow frae the tap o' the stairs.
"Whit's a fornicator, Ma?"
"Ask yer faither, son, he knows aboot these things."
So Ah did an' got ma ear clipped fer ma trouble.

"Did you read the paper, Ben?"
"Woman, Ah've got no time t' read the blinkin' papers. There's a hall t' be painted."
"The hall'll be here when you're no."
"Maybe it will an' maybe it willnae but Ah widnae like t' see you rushin' around the night before ma wake wi' a tin o' gloss in wan hand an' the Hoover in the other."
"Well, let me worry aboot that when it comes. Hae you read the paper?"
"Naw."
"Well, read this."
So Ah made like Ah wis readin'. Ah knew it wis best tae. When she gets a bee under her bonnet she cun be a nippy wee sweetie, Ah cun tell you.
"Whit am Ah supposed tae be readin'?"
"Gie it here! Are you blin'?"
It turned oot that wan o' the lassies in Lynne's class wis expectin'. Ah thought when the wife started readin' there'd be this big palaver aboot it but there wisnae. That wisnae even why she wis in the paper. It wis an article aboot some new centre fer the support o' 'gymslip mothers.' She wis seen posin' wi' that New Labour lad. Ah wis gobsmacked.

"Did you know aboot this?"
"Of course Ah did, faither. The whole school knows. Ah mean she wis oot t' here fer months. She let me feel it kickin'."
"She whit?"
"If it's a girl it's goin' t' be called Reagan an', if it's a boy, Ronin. So whit's it t' you in any case. Ah mean, you don't think Ah'm pregnant too do you?"
"Ah'd bloody kill you."
The cheek o' her!
"Sure you would. You'd rant an' rave just like Morag's Da did an' then when you get t' see the ultrasound suddenly you'll go all grandaddy on me. But don't you worry, Ah'm careful."
"An' whit d' you mean by that, young lady?"
"Nothin', faither."
She wis teasin' me - oor Lynne's a good lassie really - but there's some things you shouldnae tease a man aboot.

Ah don't remember gettin' owd. Ah know ma senses areny as sharp as they wance were but Ah don't remember goin' t' bed an' wakin' up daft. Is it jist me? Ah mean…Ah mean… Ah don't know whit Ah mean, t' be honest!
The world used t' make sense, that's a' Ah cun say. Things used t' cost the right price an' the New Year sales were somethin' special. Ah used t' get the jokes on TV an' the bands played music wi' a tune. Christ, Ah've turned intae ma owd man. Ah guess Ah knew Ah would wan day. Ah jist thought it'd be later. Of course when ye're a wean ye're the centre o' the universe. Ah never listened t' ma parents. Ah respected them an' all but Ah know Ah never listened t' them. Ah knew best. Ah ayeways knew best. Ah guess it's why Ah put up wi' the lip Ah get aff ma lot — it's the Catholic in me — the need fer penance even if it disnae make sense, jist as long as it hurts.
Whit makes things make sense? Ah mean they either dae or they dinnae. Ah'm nae intellectual by a long chalk. Ah'm jist a workin' man wi' a crabbit wife, three whingin' weans, a bit o' a beer gut an' an ulcer fer ma sins. Ah don't own ma ain hoose. Ah don't even own ma ain motor. Ah shouldnae be troubled by the things that trouble me but Ah guess that's whit bein' forty an the rest does t' a man. It makes him think. It makes him try an' assess his place in the grand scheme o' things. Trouble is, these days Ah dinnae seem t' fit. You don't believe it'll happen t' you but who're we? Ah guess even the grand scheme o' things canne stand still fer the likes o' me.
Noo who's feelin' sorry fer himsel'? Nostalgia's a terrible thing. Ah thought it wis a disease when Ah wis young. Ah thought you caught it when you got owd an' it killed you. Ah wisnae far wrong at that.

"So're you paintin' or standin' there lettin' all the heat oot're the livin' room?"
"Naw, the mood's left me. D'ya fancy a cuppa tea, hen?"
"As long as Ah'm no makin' it."
"Naw, hen, ye're all right there. Ye're all right."

Glossary

slag	VERB To put down, mainly used as the phrasal verb to "slag off" something
punce	VERB A mild form of punishment when someone you like does something you don't like, usually accompanied by a light fist tap or a gentle kick
shop	VERB To divulge information or secrets
owd	NOUN Old
hen	NOUN A term of affection used of a female (by both males and females)
the big school	NOUN Secondary school. A school for students intermediate between elementary school and college
nippy wee sweetie	NOUN A tot of whisky but in this context a person (can be male or female) with a sharp tongue
blin'	NOUN Blind
wean	NOUN (pronounced wane) Young child. Originates from 'wean' (VERB To accustom and reconcile a child to the deprivation of its mother's milk).
New Labour	NOUN "New Labour" is an alternative branding for the Labour Party dating from a conference slogan first used by the Labour Party in 1994. In left-wing circles, the name "New Labour" is used pejoratively to refer to the perceived domination of the Labour Party by its right-wing.

The idea for this story is encompased in the first line of the story. I used to work with a fellow called Dan, who lived in Kilmarnock on the west coast of Scotland. The Ayrshire accent, like some of the Glasgow accents, can be quite thick and I used to enjoy listening to Dan talk. One day, on the bus home he said to me, quite out of the blue, "Ma wife says Ah'm too serious," and that was it. I sat down at my desk that night and wrote 'Zeitgeist'.

The word 'zeitgeist' means: The spirit of the time; the taste and outlook characteristic of a period or generation. It seemed appropriate to call this short tale about a man who is becoming increasingly unsettled in the world in which he finds himself.

The subject matter was also provided by Dan, by his character. He has been the only man who could use the expression 'Scotia' instead of Scotland in a sentence and not sound pretentious. He was something of an idealist, a romantic. I miss talking to him but I'll certainly never forget him.